Behold, dear readers!  I bring tidings of great news this week - for a change.  You’ll need a neckbrace for the 180. 

The big news, of course, is the California Supremes ruling on gay marriage, and the party is just getting started.  Get in line while you can as the state will have a constitutional amendment on the ballot prohibiting such things.  Prop 22 which started this whole thing passed by 61 percent back in ‘00. 

Maybe eight years have sobered up more folk. 

Some cojones are being grown on Capitol Hill.  From Joe Biden calling Bush’s appeasement talk while in the Knesset bullshit, to John Conyer’s promise to kick Karl Rove’s ass for refusing a subpoena to testify about the Don Siegelman case, it seems that not only are the balls growing, they’ve got hair and distended ballsacs which are being flung about willfully.  By the way, did I hear Catherine Crier tell Dan Abrams on MSNBC last night that the Sergeant-at-Arms could arrest Rove and throw him in a makeshift jail in the Capitol if the Justice Department refuses to do its job?  Why, I did hear that: 

Whoo-ee.  Wouldn’t that be a sight?  I want pictures and video. 

Former slogan-bearer for Blogging Out Loud, since deposed by the venerable Sue Simmons. 

There’s always a lot of shit happening in the world, so let’s vent a little. 

• Some can’t see that Edwards’ endorsement of Obama is a big deal, focusing instead on the fact that Elizabeth wasn’t there to give her blessing.  As Cindy McCain said regarding the non-release of her tax returns:  she ain’t running for nothin’, people, so just get over it.  Last I checked, John ain’t running for nothin’ either (yet), but he still carries some clout somewhere.  Go on, be happy. I dare you. 

• Speaking of Cindy, now that we got a small glimpse into her vast holdings (hint: she has more money than you), expect more of this mess to trickle out until there’s a big document dump of her finances on the Friday before Memorial Day (or Labor Day).  It’s hard being a candidates’ spouse.  Makes my heart hurt. 

• Tony Blair’s wife (who didn’t vote for Bush, either), says she and Tony’s “hearts sank” when Bush was “elected” back in ‘00.  True as that may be, it didn’t stop them from jumping into Bush’s lap and on to the “Invade Iraq” bandwagon, did it? 

• The Dems rack up another win (MSNBC calls it bigger than West Virginia).  Republicans on the Hill were heard in closed-door session singing Nina Simone’s “Mississippi Goddam” over and over.  Let it all out, my friends. 

• One place where frustrations have been vented a little too much is Austria.  Not only do they have sickos imprisoning their offspring in basements so they can father children with them, now they’ve got a new Lizzie Borden to deal with.  WTF? 

• Star Jones’ soon-to-be-ex Al Reynolds let out some of his frustrations over the lack of R-E-S-P-E-C-T he’s received from, well, everyone.  I say “some” of his frustrations, since he’s got to save something for his undoubtedly soon-to-be-penned tell-all book.  Take that, all you haters. 

• Finally, if your children are a little TMTH, why not trade them in for an improved model?  Beats locking them in the basement and fucking them, I guess. 

In light of all this, that’s why Gawker’s “Top Ten Angry On-Camera Meltdowns” is one of the most important videos you’ll watch today.  Venting your frustrations to total strangers is a good thing, doncha think?  Sue Simmons is my new hero, as I’ve found myself shouting “What the FUCK are you doing?” many times in the last day or so (even to myself). 

Everyone on American Idol has become such a parody of themselves - the host, the judges, the contestants and the hand-wavers in the audience.  No wonder people are turning away in disgust.  If it’s not Ryan giving his two-snaps-up intro, it’s Randy coming out in some Rainforest Cafe shirt, trying to hide all the weight he’s gained back from season one.  Add some college sorority girls to the front row who wouldn’t know a Dan Fogelberg song if it blasted in their iPods all day and you’ve got the makings of a disaster bigger than a damn cyclone in Myanmar.  Let’s try to get through it without wishing for the good, old days of Sanjaya or Bucky Covington and see how far that gets us. 

Poor David Archuleta.  Now that news of his oppressive and overbearing father has come to light, imagine the pain he’ll go through when he finally comes out of the closet.  He’ll be shipped off to ex-gay boot camp quicker than he can scream “But the carpet and drapes in the family room don’t go together!” I mean, this dad makes Terri Shields and Dina Lohan look like stage parents of the year.  Who needs parents anyway?  David has spread his wings and flown to Never-Neverland or something.  Probably the most consistent of the night, so he gets a half-snap up from this reviewer, even though he chose a stupid-ass Chris Brown song. 

We then come to the weekly fashion train wreck which is Syesha.  So, she decides to perform sans glitter, and apparently it’s the only thing propping her ass up in this competition.  Honestly, she picked “Fever” as her song?  This looked like something out of a stage production of “Chicago” and instead of giving me fever, I contracted a bad case of hives.  I feel like Sue Simmons from WNBC in NYC:

No need to apologize, Sue.  Syesha should have just done “Bye Bye Bye” from N’Sync ‘cause she’ll be singing that tonight anyway. 

It’s too bad that only one-third of David Cook‘s songs were decent.  I got all moist and shit from hearing “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face,” but I quickly dried myself after hearing the last two.  My ears couldn’t stand the assault, but he gets a one-third snap. 

It’s going to be two Davids in the finals and, mercifully, we’ll be done.  I hope I’m reincarnated in Burma so I never have to see their faces again. 

Lightning bolts from the Chaitén volcano in Chile.  More here.

When it rains, I pour a couple more rounds
Till the hurtin’ and the heartache start to drown
- Gretchen Wilson

It’s going to be another stormy day here at casa de bol, and the hits just keep on coming in the wave of depressing news.  Somebody’s got to do it. 

1) You might call it the only poll that matters at this point:  another low for Bush and the economy (worst since ‘92 when that other Clinton won the WH), and a deepening gloom over, well, everything.  Just another day in paradise. 

2) Sadly, the devastation in Burma or Myanmar (or Hell) is only going to get worse, as the military will probably steal all the aid pouring in from around the world.  What’s the answer?  Invade! Natural disasters have political consequences - just ask Bush about Katrina. 

3) Jesus Christ on an Inflatable Slide!  It must be sweeps time.  Coming up next:  five things in your refrigerator that could kill you!  And later, when lawn mowers attack!  Back to you, Bob. 

There is a cause for hope, though.  Here’s my fave “Obama in 30 Seconds” vid:

Yeah, imagine that. 

You’re enjoying your day
Everything’s going your way
Then along comes Debbie Downer.

Always there to tell you ‘bout a new disease
A car accident or killer bees
You’ll beg her to spare you, “Debbie, Please!”
But you can’t stop Debbie Downer!

I hate to bring you all down after what was most likely a very faboo Mother’s Day, but somebody’s gotta do it. 

• Think hydrogen power is the next big thing for our gasoline woes?  Uh, think again, as it won’t make a damn bit of difference for another 40 years.  I’ll be like really old by then.  In the meantime, I’m waiting for the 2009 Toyota Prius.  Maybe we should be focus on that for the time being. 

• If anyone believes voter ID laws won’t keep Americans from voting, they better read this.  Many older folk who have never had to show proof of their U.S. citizenship can’t even find their birth records.  “That’s downright wrong,” proclaimed one 78-year-old from Mississippi.  Indeed. 

• What will it take to undo Bush’s mess?  Lots.  The next prez is going to need a big shovel and a whole lotta time. 

• The EPA:  what’s it good for?  Absolutely nothing.  And you thought the “Protection” part of their name stood for something!  Suckahs. 

There is some good news, though.  Young evangelical Christians are fleeing the Republicans in record numbers.  Maybe it’s because of stupid shit like this. 

Damn, it’s not even 3 a.m. and I need a drink. 

TGIF, mofos.  Aren’t you so glad “The Gong Show” is coming back?  I mean, whatever happened to mindless entertainment such as this?

On this eve of the eve of Mother’s Day, see how dysfunctional our government has become.  It’s craaaazy, I tells ya. 

Meanwhile in the Senate, take a gander at how a bill to help struggling homeowners is being manipulated by a Senator (R-of couse) with major ties to the real estate industry.  Suckahs! 

Fueled by her now-less-than 1% victory in IN, Hillary desperately searches for an exit and decides to throw a Molotov cocktail on the already-scorched road to Denver on her way out the door.  Classy!  Or maybe she’s just a psycho ex-girlfriend.  Gah!  Somebody give her the gong already. 

Hillary Leads Obama by 36 Points in Kentucky Primary.  Now all she has to do is win the Belmont and the Preakness.
Generalized bitchiness at DataLounge

Now that the Dem nomination is behind us, let’s move on, shall we?  Even though HRC vows to continue the death match until she’s dead, expect a more conciliatory tone from her.  I expect never to hear “my opponent” pass her lips during the next three weeks, nor calls for a gas-tax holiday, nor claims that she would make a better candidate.  Of course, it’s kind of hard to talk shit when your air supply is running low. 

So, we’re doing another all-gay day around here.  If that bothers or upsets you, you’re probably a bitter, mean, old, Volvo-driving, NPR-tote-bag-carrying, arugula lover anyway, so who gives a shit?  Let’s get busy with it. 

• The future of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” in doubt? DADT is something imposed by the President, so if a new prez says it has to go, then the military will just have to deal. 

• Those who don’t think individual states’ bans on gay marriage have no consequences need look no further than Michigan.  The Supremes there decided that the ban on gays getting married excludes them from receiving health benefits.  Some universities and cities offered such coverage, but now they cannot.  Tell me how compassionate this is again? 

• The former first lady of NJ wants $600K from her now-gay soon-to-be-ex husband, to compensate her for time she was denied being in the governors’ mansion.  Honey, let it go.  You ain’t worth all that and a glass dildo, my child.  Up next:  testimony in the divorce trial from a man who claims to have had 3-ways with the couple.  I’d have to see the video if I was the judge. 

• I may have mentioned this before, but I’m too lazy to look it up.  “Laugh Out” is coming, and we all might do just that, especially with Leslie Jordan twirling a baton as host: