Lightning bolts from the Chaitén volcano in Chile.  More here.

When it rains, I pour a couple more rounds
Till the hurtin’ and the heartache start to drown
- Gretchen Wilson

It’s going to be another stormy day here at casa de bol, and the hits just keep on coming in the wave of depressing news.  Somebody’s got to do it. 

1) You might call it the only poll that matters at this point:  another low for Bush and the economy (worst since ‘92 when that other Clinton won the WH), and a deepening gloom over, well, everything.  Just another day in paradise. 

2) Sadly, the devastation in Burma or Myanmar (or Hell) is only going to get worse, as the military will probably steal all the aid pouring in from around the world.  What’s the answer?  Invade! Natural disasters have political consequences - just ask Bush about Katrina. 

3) Jesus Christ on an Inflatable Slide!  It must be sweeps time.  Coming up next:  five things in your refrigerator that could kill you!  And later, when lawn mowers attack!  Back to you, Bob. 

There is a cause for hope, though.  Here’s my fave “Obama in 30 Seconds” vid:

Yeah, imagine that. 

You’re enjoying your day
Everything’s going your way
Then along comes Debbie Downer.

Always there to tell you ‘bout a new disease
A car accident or killer bees
You’ll beg her to spare you, “Debbie, Please!”
But you can’t stop Debbie Downer!

I hate to bring you all down after what was most likely a very faboo Mother’s Day, but somebody’s gotta do it. 

• Think hydrogen power is the next big thing for our gasoline woes?  Uh, think again, as it won’t make a damn bit of difference for another 40 years.  I’ll be like really old by then.  In the meantime, I’m waiting for the 2009 Toyota Prius.  Maybe we should be focus on that for the time being. 

• If anyone believes voter ID laws won’t keep Americans from voting, they better read this.  Many older folk who have never had to show proof of their U.S. citizenship can’t even find their birth records.  “That’s downright wrong,” proclaimed one 78-year-old from Mississippi.  Indeed. 

• What will it take to undo Bush’s mess?  Lots.  The next prez is going to need a big shovel and a whole lotta time. 

• The EPA:  what’s it good for?  Absolutely nothing.  And you thought the “Protection” part of their name stood for something!  Suckahs. 

There is some good news, though.  Young evangelical Christians are fleeing the Republicans in record numbers.  Maybe it’s because of stupid shit like this. 

Damn, it’s not even 3 a.m. and I need a drink. 

TGIF, mofos.  Aren’t you so glad “The Gong Show” is coming back?  I mean, whatever happened to mindless entertainment such as this?

On this eve of the eve of Mother’s Day, see how dysfunctional our government has become.  It’s craaaazy, I tells ya. 

Meanwhile in the Senate, take a gander at how a bill to help struggling homeowners is being manipulated by a Senator (R-of couse) with major ties to the real estate industry.  Suckahs! 

Fueled by her now-less-than 1% victory in IN, Hillary desperately searches for an exit and decides to throw a Molotov cocktail on the already-scorched road to Denver on her way out the door.  Classy!  Or maybe she’s just a psycho ex-girlfriend.  Gah!  Somebody give her the gong already. 

Hillary Leads Obama by 36 Points in Kentucky Primary.  Now all she has to do is win the Belmont and the Preakness.
Generalized bitchiness at DataLounge

Now that the Dem nomination is behind us, let’s move on, shall we?  Even though HRC vows to continue the death match until she’s dead, expect a more conciliatory tone from her.  I expect never to hear “my opponent” pass her lips during the next three weeks, nor calls for a gas-tax holiday, nor claims that she would make a better candidate.  Of course, it’s kind of hard to talk shit when your air supply is running low. 

So, we’re doing another all-gay day around here.  If that bothers or upsets you, you’re probably a bitter, mean, old, Volvo-driving, NPR-tote-bag-carrying, arugula lover anyway, so who gives a shit?  Let’s get busy with it. 

• The future of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” in doubt? DADT is something imposed by the President, so if a new prez says it has to go, then the military will just have to deal. 

• Those who don’t think individual states’ bans on gay marriage have no consequences need look no further than Michigan.  The Supremes there decided that the ban on gays getting married excludes them from receiving health benefits.  Some universities and cities offered such coverage, but now they cannot.  Tell me how compassionate this is again? 

• The former first lady of NJ wants $600K from her now-gay soon-to-be-ex husband, to compensate her for time she was denied being in the governors’ mansion.  Honey, let it go.  You ain’t worth all that and a glass dildo, my child.  Up next:  testimony in the divorce trial from a man who claims to have had 3-ways with the couple.  I’d have to see the video if I was the judge. 

• I may have mentioned this before, but I’m too lazy to look it up.  “Laugh Out” is coming, and we all might do just that, especially with Leslie Jordan twirling a baton as host: 

Leave it to “American Idol” to denigrate songs from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, but that’s exactly what they are putting us through this week.  It’s almost enough to make you want to set the lake on fire, such as what happened back in the industrial waste dump era.  From the selection of songs tonight, that’s about the only thing on fire with these pitiable performances.  Let’s see what I mean: 

First up is David Cook, who chose the vomitous “Hungry Like the Wolf” as his first selection.  My earliest memory of this tune was standing in the Midnight Sun in San Francisco back in ‘82, watching throngs of gay guys staring at the video and changing the lyrics to “Hungry For a Wolf.” If you’re not gay, you don’t get it.  Nevertheless, it did make Paula hungry, proving that appetite suppressants aren’t part of her daily pill regimen.  Trooper David went through the motions, but phoning in “Do-do-do” doesn’t necessarily highlight vocal skills, does it?  Next came a “Who” tune which made my ears bleed and teeth hurt simultaneously.  Quite a feat.

Syesha reincarnated herself as Tina Turner and shamed herself with “Proud Mary.” Lookit, Tina can jump around on stage with her legs spread like she’s about to give birth, but with Syesha, it just feels icky.  Yeah, Larry Craig “wide stance” icky.  She then turned into an Obama girl with the second number, holding firm in her belief that civil rights and glitter belong on the same stage with “A Change is Gonna Come.” Throw her singing into that toxic mix and you’ve got a riot on your hands. 

Jason proved that he doesn’t know what time it is, obviously mistaking it for 4:20.  How else to describe lackadaisical performances of Marley and Dylan?  I’ve said before and I’ll say again:  Jason could come out on stage and take a dump for his first performance (which he did) and urinate on the floor for his second (check) and still make it through to the next round. 

David A. has been giving out hand and finger jobs to the judges this week, as they were all over him.  It’s all so mechanical to me at this point - wind him up and he sings “Stand By Me” before he goes limp.  Pump some more wind into him and he does “Love Me Tender.” Color me gone. 

I already predicted Syesha last week, so tick her box, my children.  A change is gonna come all right - with a one-way ticket home. 

Surely all y’all stayed up to watch the election returns last night/this morning, no?  Not to toot my own horn or anything, but it was a split decision between Obama and Clinton.  I’m somewhat mildly surprised (happily) that Obama nearly pulled off the big upset in IN.  I would never go so far as to call Clinton out, but she’s certainly down, and it looks like the money will not flow and she’ll be sucking fumes from her campaign plane to wheel into West Virginia and...and, where else?  Something tells me that Oregon will not be amongst the campaign stops for HRC.  It’s too far, too much in Obama’s column and what’s the point at this point? 

All in all, this is a big momentum changer for the Dems.  With Obama’s stirring speech (and Hillary still talking about herself rather than us), it looks like we’ve moved on from Bush 1/Clinton 1/Bush 2/Clinton 2 to something else.  About damn time.

But, the night’s biggest loser seems to be John McCain.  In North Carolina, McCain didn’t even pull 3/4 of the vote, so it looks like he can count out some of the base there as “his friends.” To put it another way, let’s boil it down as only the Dredge Report can: 

Funny.  Even for someone with no sense of direction, it sounds like the wrong way to me. 

Our buddy Keith takes a look at the re-re-re-re-re-definition of the states and voters for Hillary Rodham Clinton.  Quick before it goes away:

I don’t think I qualify as a Hillary supporter.