I wish I had better earplugs for all of us.  God save us, the AI singers are junking up the songs of Queen this week and Freddie Mercury would kill himself if he were still alive.  Hang on, it’s going to get nasty. 

Bucky sang “Fat Bottomed Girls” and should’ve knocked it out of the park after blowing the windows and doors out.  Instead of letting it all hang out, he just went to his happy place and stayed there while the rest of us were wondering how he made it onto the damn stage.

Ace tried to sing “We Will Rock You.” First off, kudos for losing the jeans.  There’s bad news though:  they were replaced with baggy leather ones, which don’t work on anyone.  Then, the backup singers sounded better throughout the entire song.  Totally FUBAR, dude.  I think Freddie is dying all over again.

Kellie sang “Bohemian Rhapsody.” Uh, NO SHE DI-INT.  Sweet Jesus on the cross, this was nightmarish all the way around.  The cameraman should be executed on sight for the extreme facial close-ups at the beginning.  The ending lyrics, appropriately enough, were “Nothing really matters to me,” which is just how I felt.  Forget what Simon said, girl.  It was a piece-of-shit performance - on paper and off. 

Chris sang something called “Innuendo.” What?  We’re having fucking Queen week and Chris picks something nobody’s ever heard of.  I don’t know what this song is supposed to sound like, but I couldn’t listen too closely from all the flashing lights which gave me the dry heaves.  Then we noticed the eyeliner and that pretty much dimmed any chances of him getting off my shit list.  Billie Joe Armstrong you ain’t, Chris. 

Katharine tried to do “Who Wants to Live Forever?” and it came out like “Who Wants to Have a Bowel Movement Forever?” This screeching vocal performance combined with the fashion mistake of wearing some sort of tapered red blouse with dark eye makeup means it all came out as a big, long turd - with a pulse. 

Elliott did “Somebody to Love” and I knew when I heard the selection that he’d nail it.  Well, he came pretty close and that’s certainly good enough this week to make him the best of the night.

Taylor sang “A Crazy Little Thing Called Love.” I guess the judges heard something I didn’t.  It sounded like every other thing he’s done on the show.  So middle-of-the-road it should have stripes on it. 

Paris attempted “The Show Must Go On,” and I just don’t know what to say.  From the junk in the trunk to the synth hair extensions, it was a visual mess from the get-go.  Is it just me or does it seem that she buys lip gloss by the bucket at Costco?  My.  Then she opened her mouth and all I wanted to do was reach for the closest high-caliber weapon to put me out of my misery.  I quickly realized she wasn’t worth it, so I just closed my eyes, stuck fingers in my ears and started yelling “The Show Must Stop!” That did the trick. 

No doubt about who should be going home this week:  Ace.  If there’s a large contingent out there who wants to see more of him, then Paris can’t be far behind.