Let’s take a lil’ trip, chillren…

1) We begin in Oregon, where the new Republican meme for Barack Obama is that he will take away your gas-guzzling SUV and force you to keep your dwelling warmer in the summer to combat climate change.  And if you don’t?  He’ll pummel you with his huge, black penis, I’m guessing. 

2) The city of Chicago has repealed its ban on foie gras.  Such a stupid law, since all they eat there is bratwurst and sauerkraut. 

3) Somewhere over the country in his wife’s corporate jet, John McCain mourns the loss of another aide to the superbug known as lobby-itis.  It’s something in the blood, my friends, with no cure in sight. 

4) In Kentucky, Hillary Clinton had to endure a sermon on adultery, as if she hasn’t given enough of them herself to Bill.  She headed right back to the distillery afterwards. 

5) Georgie and Pickles returned from their legacy-building trip to the Middle East with absolutely nothing to show for it.  I wonder why nobody over there is respecting his demands for democracy?  Must be the tone of his voice. 

A coupla bits from popbitch: 

6) We then head to Amsterdam, where we can quickly forget Tom Cruise on that train in “Risky Business.” A female driver decided to please herself in the driver’s seat without shutting off the intercom.  Hey, different strokes, y’all.

7) Kids’ playground hijacked in Alaska.  Ah, to be young again. 

That was fun!  Train ride, anyone?